Tuesday, May 7, 2013

It's a very strange phenomena to witness.....the closing of a door and opening of another. The cosmos find this mysterious fantastic balance that leaves me in awe.
Have you ever really paid attention?

An optimist, which I am not, will say "things always work out!" and to be honest I will chirp the same thing often enough but not for the same reasons. I'm not the eternal sunshine in life. I have no na├»ve stance that allows me to play ignorant to the fact that shitty things happen. And yes, they happen to good people. I'm not a believer that God only gives you what you can handle.....I simply subscribe to the belief that the cosmos will maintain balance. Period.

Change is scary, it's difficult, it presents new obstacles that challenge our way of doing things. It presents the notion that you may just be good at something else you haven't discovered yet. Or even the notion that you may be not so good. The fear of failure is a strong one. The fear of success, I think is stronger. While the fear of change pretty much tops them all.

I've been making a lot of changes in the last year. Transitioning, learning and testing myself and abilities. I've been doing things in the past due to obligation and necessity for stability. I've been granted a very divine luxury of having the ability to try something new (thank you husband of mine). Not really new to me, it's been a part of my character from the time I can remember. But committing to it as a career is a whole other thing entirely.

I've been spending the last couple of months really investing my energies to refocus....reconnect....manifest what is truly important. My priorities. My goals. My ideals.
This has included rebuilding a relationship with my children that had been neglected in recent times. I was entirely too distracted attempting a type of success at "grownuphood" and attaining a status that they could respect that our close knit relationships began to see a growth in distance, our former strength as a team of three began to dissipate.

My oldest children and I have essentially grown up together. As I've found my way as an adult, including honing my maternal instincts, they have developed into adolescence with strong convictions, compelling ideals and unwavering kindness. And when it comes down to it, my relationship with them has always been the driving force of my ambition.

So here I sit, fabulous opportunities seemingly dropped from the sky into my lap. Right time right place and simple luck or a drawn out chess match that has been in play......
Whatever the case I consider myself absolutely fortunate and refuse to take it for granted.