Begin Again

Sometime we may think that we are in charge, that we have things all figured out. Life is usually right there, though, ready to knock us over when we get too sure of ourselves. Fortunately, if we have learned the lessons that years of practice have taught us, when this happens, we endure. We fail better. We sit up, dust ourselves off and begin again. ~Dani Shapiro

I'm in the midst of reading Shapiro's "Still Writing" and those words jumped out to me. With each milestone in life, as I care for my children, maintain a marriage and greet new endeavors with as much grace as I can muster I am still always fumbling along the way. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Still honing my narrative voice. Still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing. And still wrestling with my ideals and place as a mother, wife, writer and community member.

At some point in time I figured by my mid 30's I'd have this all figured out. Some days I think I'm on the right track but most I feel like I'm just hurtling down a vortex of life happenings and there's  not a thing that can be done.
 
Shorty after reading the above excerpt, I was listening to a local podcast, Media Carnivores and one of the hosts, Brent Hartinger, dared to utter the words, Failure is an essential component of creation. How accurate is that?!

Painfully so. And for me there are no coincidences. This was a message I needed at this time.

Some of my musings in the past have been in regards to how conflict is a key ingredient to the creative process. At some point in time I felt like I couldn't create because that resistance I once always felt as a constant presence was something I was not allowed to feel. I'm living some wacky form of the American dream after all. Who was I to express animosity and unhappiness with my lot in life. Truth be told though, there is no such thing as perfection. We never do know what happens behind closed doors, we only view lovely filtered versions of our friend's and loved one's lives.

A part of the human condition is some sort of struggle, whether by external forces or internal voices. We are all fighting demons of our own, juggling demands of obligations and coping in the best way we know how.

We all stumble.

Then we dust ourselves off and begin again.