Today

Today is my Mom's birthday.

I wish I knew where she was at or how to contact her to tell her hello and happy day.

The woman is notoriously absent throughout my life. I love her dearly, she is well intentioned, funny and accepting.

She is also unreliable.
Even with Grandchildren I haven't seen her in about a year. It's not as though we have gotten in a disagreement or dislike each other, or even that we are too busy or seperated by miles......this is just what she does. She's been missing in action for almost half of my life. She forgets my birthdays, nevermind my 3 childrens. She missed my wedding. She has not the foggiest idea all of the goodness that is swirling in mine and my families cosmos and just how good things are.
As a mother as well, I'm not sure how one gets to the point that the maternal instinct doesn't rule all.

I've never felt this "woe is me, boohoo" attitude about this relationship I have (or don't have rather) with her. It's just a fact of life. I can't let it effect my behavior and outlook. She's an adult and makes her own choices.

As am I.

I can't say though, that I'm not bummed just this moment thinking of this lost connection.